Tag Archives: wtf

Happy Valentine’s Day from an eHarmony reject! (It’s not you…it’s me.)

14 Feb

Words of love and Valentine’s wisdom from an actual eHarmony reject…moi!

Oh, snap! That would mean I'd actually have to have been ACCEPTED by eHarmony.

This would have been my first Valentine’s Day as a married woman…and if you have been a loyal (or casual) reader, you know that isn’t happening.  But it’s only 12:30 p.m., and the day has gotten off to an auspicious start.

The weather is absolutely gorgeous…a balmy 55 degrees and sunshine in February.  RedBox sent me a text message for a free DVD rental.  And I just got a FedEx delivery of ProFlowers from my dog.    Well, actually, my parents thought it’d be cute to send the flowers (gorgeous spring tulips) to me from my #1 little man, since he’s who I’ll be spending Valentine’s Day with.  Plus, sending the ProFlowers earned Mom some Facebook gaming credit so that she can build her Zynga CafeWorld empire.  Clever marketing, guys…my mom cared enough to send the very best, so long as it gave her some much needed Facebook points.  So, thanks.

At least the dog didn’t send red roses.  That would have been weird.

An old friend (let’s call him Sam) asked me last week if I was ready to start dating again.  I thought about it and realized that I am still enjoying being alone.  It’s a freeing feeling…the only responsibility you have is to yourself.  You can sleep sprawled out in bed (like a starfish!) and not have to deal with snoring and kicking legs.  You can do whatever you want.

If being a soon-to-be-ex-wife has given me anything during these months of emotional hell, it’s that I’ve earned the right to say whatever the f*ck I want and not apologize for it.  And that’s a delicious feeling that I’m not quite ready to let go of yet.

Still, Sam pressed.

Sam: “Don’t you get lonely?  Why don’t you put yourself out there on eHarmony and just start having a torrid e-mail relationship with someone? Maybe he’ll be in Idaho, and then it would stretch things out over the year.  You wouldn’t have to see him!”

Me: “Nah…too much effort.  That would mean I have to actually emotionally invest in someone.  And care.  I’m way too tired and beyond that for right now.  Besides…there’s something you should know. I’m actually an eHarmony reject.”

Continue reading

Advertisements

Confessions of a Jersey Shore fan – Outing myself to Jersey Shore locals (and still feeling a little dirty afterwards)

3 Feb

Ok, I have a confession to make.  And it’s been a long time coming, but…

I am a fan of MTV’s Jersey Shore. And I SHOULDN’T be.  But I am.  There, I said it.

Cannot freakin’ wait to see what antics those lovable train-wrecks are going to get into tonight. (I think tonight’s episode focuses on Ron-Ron is getting an anal probe!)

Thanks to the casties of MTV’s Jersey Shore I have learned:

  • New euphemisms for referencing intimate relations and female body parts.
  • How to be a good wingman.  Grenade Whistles for all!
  • That the cast is a walking PSA for safe sex/abstinence.  Seriously, kids…this show should make you want to RUN to your parents and slap on that ol’ purity ring.  Yeah, that’s right Selena Gomez…I’m talking to you…take it easy and slow with the Bieb-ster.
  • That Snooki and Deena’s definition and personification of “being classy” makes the porn star who recently went on an all-night cocaine bender with Charlie Sheen look like Mother Teresa.
  • Kitchen Ditchin’…nuff, said.

I know I am not alone. Eight million viewers tuned in last week, giving MTV’s its highest ratings for a primetime show EVER.  The Snooki-fication of the country has become an interesting “Situation.”   (Did you know that Chuck Schumer saw Snooki at Reagan National, waved, said hello…AND SHE DIDN”T KNOW WHO HE WAS AND IGNORED HIM???)

So as you can imagine… I now have to use discretion when the inevitable subject of where I live is broached. And the enormous pop-culture relevancy that Jersey Shore has become has spawned trickle-down fall-out effects on the locals who actually call the Jersey Shore home.  Here are various scenarios that I have encountered in the last few months since the show’s debut.

Continue reading

WTF?!? Angelina Pivarnick from Jersey Shore releases new rap single, “I’m Hot”

13 Nov

Ummm…there are really no words to describe this.   Angelina Pivarnick, the most-hated Snooki-fighting, gold-digging, obnoxious roommate from MTV’s hit show Jersey Shore, has decided to capitalize on her fleeting 15 minutes of fame by releasing this atrocious single…”I’m Hot”.

Disclaimer: Please let me clarify by saying that Angelina is NOT from New Jersey (sorry, Staten Island…you can have her)…and that her otherwise “talents”, do not embody the awesomeness that is the REAL Jersey Shore.   And apparently, even Angelina thinks the song is atrocious, as the New York Daily News indicates.

I’d say for Angelina to stick to her day job…but I’m not really sure what that day job is!

What do you think of Angelina’s new single?

%d bloggers like this: