Confessions of a Jersey Shore fan – Outing myself to Jersey Shore locals (and still feeling a little dirty afterwards)

Ok, I have a confession to make.  And it’s been a long time coming, but…

I am a fan of MTV’s Jersey Shore. And I SHOULDN’T be.  But I am.  There, I said it.

Cannot freakin’ wait to see what antics those lovable train-wrecks are going to get into tonight. (I think tonight’s episode focuses on Ron-Ron is getting an anal probe!)

Thanks to the casties of MTV’s Jersey Shore I have learned:

• New euphemisms for referencing intimate relations and female body parts.
• How to be a good wingman.  Grenade Whistles for all!
• That the cast is a walking PSA for safe sex/abstinence.  Seriously, kids…this show should make you want to RUN to your parents and slap on that ol’ purity ring.  Yeah, that’s right Selena Gomez…I’m talking to you…take it easy and slow with the Bieb-ster.
• That Snooki and Deena’s definition and personification of “being classy” makes the porn star who recently went on an all-night cocaine bender with Charlie Sheen look like Mother Teresa.
• Kitchen Ditchin’…nuff, said.

I know I am not alone. Eight million viewers tuned in last week, giving MTV’s its highest ratings for a primetime show EVER.  The Snooki-fication of the country has become an interesting “Situation.”   (Did you know that Chuck Schumer saw Snooki at Reagan National, waved, said hello…AND SHE DIDN”T KNOW WHO HE WAS AND IGNORED HIM???)

So as you can imagine… I now have to use discretion when the inevitable subject of where I live is broached. And the enormous pop-culture relevancy that Jersey Shore has become has spawned trickle-down fall-out effects on the locals who actually call the Jersey Shore home.  Here are various scenarios that I have encountered in the last few months since the show’s debut.

Because Neil Diamond and the Chanukah Song go together like peas and carrots…

That is supposed to be David Lee Roth, FYI

It’s not like there are a ton of Hanukkah songs out there to choose from. Besides “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel”, I can’t think of many others, until Adam Sandler came along with not one, but THREE versions of the Chanukah Song (Hanukkah).

Neil Diamond (affectionately dubbed as The Jewish Elvis) shares his cover of the now-iconic Sandler tune (can we say “iconic” yet? too early???) from his album, A Very Cherry Christmas (still not enough Hanukkah hits to merit its own album).

p.s. Adam Sandler, you should come up with the 2010 version of the song STAT. I’ll even feed you a couple of new lyrics…any more and I want royalties.

“Guess who this year won’t be lighting the menorah…Drunk ass Snooki and the guidos of Jersey Shore-ah!”

“So many latkes to make us all fat…who knows how many calories…there should be an app for that!”

WTF?!? Angelina Pivarnick from Jersey Shore releases new rap single, “I’m Hot”

Ummm…there are really no words to describe this.   Angelina Pivarnick, the most-hated Snooki-fighting, gold-digging, obnoxious roommate from MTV’s hit show Jersey Shore, has decided to capitalize on her fleeting 15 minutes of fame by releasing this atrocious single…”I’m Hot”.

Disclaimer: Please let me clarify by saying that Angelina is NOT from New Jersey (sorry, Staten Island…you can have her)…and that her otherwise “talents”, do not embody the awesomeness that is the REAL Jersey Shore.   And apparently, even Angelina thinks the song is atrocious, as the New York Daily News indicates.

I’d say for Angelina to stick to her day job…but I’m not really sure what that day job is!

What do you think of Angelina’s new single?

Snooki’s Poof…How to rock the look for Halloween and after.

OMG…Even Ellen DeGeneres has become “Snookified” for Halloween this year!

This week, she unveiled her Halloween costume on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.  Instead of just going as “Snooki”, the breakout star of MTV’s hit reality show, Jersey Shore, she took it one step further as Snooki’s Poof.  (C’mon, just going as Snooki is soooooooo unoriginal!)

Check out this video that shows Ellen in her Halloween Snooki Poof costume:

Snooki is famous for her 1960’s beehive hair poof…a look acheived by massive amounts of teasing and hairspray.  The pint-sized (4’9″) star has created a new celebrity hair trend…possibly one of the most copied since the popular “Rachel” haircut made famous by Jennifer Aniston in the mid-1990’s.  With her signature poof and high heels, Snooki probably reaches a height of 5’7″. 

In fact, you can learn how to create your own Snooki poof!  Check out this how-to tutorial from Snooki, herself. 

P.S. You may want to purchase a Bumpits hair volumizing tool to really get the poof look down pat.

The Snooki – 2010’s Number One Halloween Costume

Still searching for a last-minute Halloween costume?

There’s still time to get your gear together to transform yourself into SNOOKI!

Seems that dressing as “Snooki”, the pint-sized reality star from MTV’s hit show, Jersey Shore, is predicted to be the #1 costume choice for this year’s Halloween festivities.  There are even all-in-one costume kits being sold at Halloween stores.

Really.  For $29.99…and it’s got buyer ratings of 4 out of 5 stars.  I can’t make this stuff up.

I wonder if “Best Snooki” would be an added costume prize category at the Halloween costume contest?  (You know…Most Original, Prettiest, Scariest, Best Snooki.  Wait…aren’t Scariest and Best Snooki the same prize category?

So what do you need to become a Snooki?

• Spray Tan yourself to become as orangy-tan as possible
• Wear something animal print….leopard or zebra works best
• Buy a long dark wig, a family-size AquaNet hairspray and a Bumpits hair teasing kit (this is apparently a Jersey Girl must).  These three items will achieve the gravity defying “Snooki hair poof”
• Wear giant fuzzy slippers.  Bonus points awarded for pink or leopard-print.
• Make sure you are seen all night guzzling a fishbowl-size drink concoction.  Giant straws and some drink umbrellas will add a nice touch.
• Bring a jar of kosher pickles (Snooki’s favorite) for extra points.

If you or someone you know are planning to become “snooki-fied”…comment below and post pictures!  Maybe we’ll have our own unofficial “Best Snooki” costume award.

Check out two of these Snooki look-alikes.   What do you think?

Cheers, and have a safe & happy Halloween!

Pale is the New Tan

A boon to the tanning industry…a bane to dermatologists…the hot MTV show “Jersey Shore” has colored my home state a cheesy, skin-frazzling shade of UV-orange.

I have decided to proclaim my pale (and hopefully skin-cancer risk free) complexion as the new tan!

I am glad to see I am not alone…you can even express my sentiment on a cute t-shirt!